It's not like i hate her, i just don't know if i really love her or not. Love's a strong word and i don't plan to use it in a careless way. My mom and my dad divorced when i was 2, because she can't stand my dad and took care of me for a while until i was 6 and left me to escape my dad. In other words, she ran away. My dad can't take care of me and that put me through a lot. When his girlfriend (she later became my stepmother) visited me at this house for children who don't have parents, i was really sick. We lived together for 6 years, and i really love her. I once swore that if she (stepmother) left me, i'll commit suicide plenty of times. My mom sometimes talked with me over the phone but i didn't like her and her family. She sent money for us too, because we were really poor. After i was really sick and had to undergo treatments in the hospital for 3 months, my mom came home and begged my dad for me to go with her. My dad agreed and i went with her to a really far place where my family can't reach. At first i acted like i really love my mom, but i slipped out the fact that i don't remember her face. My mind kept telling me that i should love her, so i acted the way it telling me, but something in me said that i didn't really love her. Sure, she's my family and i feel like she could do anything for me, but i'm not sure if i could do everything for her. I think she know about this and we went to the counselor once, that didn't help anything, it just made me close my heart more. Sometimes i wonder if i'll cry when she die, it makes me feel guilty inside. But at the same time, she's the only one beside me now.